Family quandary.

My dad passed away very suddenly over 21 years aged just 58. One of his best mates came to see me the other day, as he often does, asking if I’d heard anything about aunty Jean. He had heard a rumour from a friend of a friend of a friend…that she had recently died.

Which immediately got me thinking about, her husband, my uncle Alan. They were always an ‘insular’ pair but we got to see them far more than most, thanks to dad probably. When dad was alive he and uncle Alan were very close, they shared interest in cars, motorbikes and driving in general, Alan would always come round every time he bought another car, which was often and usually cool sports cars! They enjoyed games of golf and were both members of the same weekly camera club. Alan would often call in even if he was just passing due to work, so I remember him as a regular presence for my first 30 years.

Thinking back now, I imagine dad’s sudden passing probably shocked Alan as badly as we suffered. He did call in a few times in the months afterwards but the chat wasn’t quite the same and it got longer between visits, soon I realised I hadn’t seen him for a year. My dad was probably the lynch pin that kept both sides together.

As time went on aunty Jean would greet me at the door saying it wasn’t a convenient time to come in, or they were just going out, or expecting someone. I kinda knew this was very unlikely because I had known them all my life and they were not particularly sociable people, but I respected their wishes and I noticed about 10 years ago that the Christmas cards stopped coming.

So now I’m in a quandary! IF aunty Jean has passed away should I try to reach out to Alan? He will be around 80 now and I don’t like the thought of him being alone. He was suffering arthritis and hearing loss when I last spoke to him. Perhaps he thinks too much time has passed since he used to visit but that certainly isn’t the case.

Sadly I’ve no way of knowing if Jean has died, all I know is the phone number we always had is no longer in use, but they could have just switched supplier. I can see from t’internet that his house hasn’t been up for sale and I can see from Google Streetview that the car on the drive is the last one I knew him to be driving……but the image is 5 years old.

After 10 years it would be slightly awkward to just drive to the town and knock on the door…..even more tricky if aunty Jean answers it!

Years ago I would have never imagined such a sad scenario and it just goes to show how life can turn and the effect one person can have on family dynamics.